Monotony
Recently a letter arrived for me, and concealed inside lay a promise for my future. Indeed, the present condition will not last forever: yet despite my knowledge of this, it is my emotions from which I attempt to escape. For while I am well aware that the future will inevitably hold more than I can imagine, a fear of the unknown lays siege over my heart. Doubt and uncertainty, coupled with a blind jump into an unfamiliar future has crippled my hope. The days have turned monotone, despite my crude awareness of the passing time. I am overwhelmed with a need to take advantage of each day, to learn more of everything around me; to soak up the details, to reminisce with those instigators of my memories while I am still surrounded by them.
Yet a frustrating nothingness has overtaken the days, pulling a blind over the beauty for which I so desperately seek. A desperate fear is pulling at my heart, filling my days with loneliness and shading the bright colors for which I yearn. Endlessly repeating; back and forth I am pulled in desperation. Days lost will never be replaced.
posted by Meanderings @ 3:54 PM
4 Comments:
Exhaustion sucks all the joy out life.
Try sleeping more at night.
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We have less than a year before our lives completely change, and like you I am increasingly aware of the passing time. What seems like every evening I resolute to approach the following day with a more positive, social, spontaneous, and daring attitude/outlook in order to fully take advantage of the remaining time. Monotony, for me, is created when I fail to carry through with my determination. I become self-conscious of all my mistakes, faults, and agitations of the day. I am consumed with how I fail to follow through with my goal. Why am I so analytical of every action I make? Perhaps I am expecting too much from myself, and should not presume such a drastic change to occur overnight, but I yearn for it to. Each day I am continually reminded that in nearly eight months I will be away from both my family and friends. So each day I try once again.
Not being real? What words in my comment were difficult for you? Shame on me for posting a well thought out response on a topic that I personally relate with...
Thanks for the critique, in the future I will try to be more "real" when I respond to posts...
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